Working or Stay at home Mom?

I hope this entry doesn't sound like Charlie Sheen's rants but I have to get this issue out in the open! I never planned on being a stay at home mom - I don't have the patience or the ability to deal with an unscheduled day. I love Evie so much and want to spend every waking moment with her but there is a small selfish part of me that wants some quiet time, or alone time, or grown up time (call it what you like but for sanity's sake everyone needs a few moments to themselves). I spent my 12 weeks of maternity time scared to death to leave her and dreading the moment I would have away from her for 8 hours but with a small part jumping for joy that I had a reason to get dressed and that I would have an adult conversation not focused on my child. I found that I really liked being a working mom - I dropped Evie off with a trusted friend each morning, went to work, learned all about my new position, sat in my very own office, and then drove like a maniac to pick Evie up. Our schedule worked very well for everyone and we settled into a very happy lifestyle for two weeks and then I was informed my bank was being sold to a bigger bank and that my department would be cut and I would most likely lose my job! It has been 6 months since the dreaded news and I still have my job but I haven't had any work to do - I sit in my office for 8 hours a day- away from my little sweety and read books, or work on imaginary projects. I have done a household budget 10 times and it always comes out the same. I feel like I am slowly going insane in that little office, that my brain cells are taking a leisurely walk off a long pier into an ocean of crap. Yes- I am totally being a drama queen but I am so bitter and annoyed with not knowing if I will have a job next month, never being trained for a position I would have loved and feeling useless most days. I did find out that we will be told on March 28th if we are retained or laid off and if we are laid off we will have two more weeks of work and 12 weeks of severance pay. I am to the point that I think being a stay at home mom will be awesome for a while - of course I have to find another job - we can't afford to live on brian's salary alone. Sorry to share the crap that I am wading in but I had to get it off my chest- Thanks for listening!!