18th Week

In all my posts I have attempted to be as positive and optimistic as possible but I am going to comment on something negative this week. The most negative aspect about being pregnant (and I think this is worse for first time pregnancies) is the worrying. I am a worrier by nature and being pregnant has elevated this issue to def-con 5. The first three months I worried about losing the baby on a minute to minute basis due to the many issues that can cause a miscarriage. I also worried about the small amount of alcohol I ingested along with the pack of cigarettes I shared with my little one the first 4 weeks (before I knew about my impending bundle of joy). I worry every time I need to take medicine (Tylenol for headaches and toothaches, Antibiotics for a sinus infection, etc.) even though a trained professional has given me the OK. I worry that I am not eating well enough, that I am not gaining enough weight, that I am gaining too much weight, I worry that I sleep on my back too much (which could kill me and the baby) and I worry about several other insane little things that could go wrong- all mentioned in What to Expect while Expecting.
I just had a month of limited worrying because I was out of the first trimester, I am feeling great and life has been going very smoothly. I started feeling the baby move last week- Monday and Tuesday the baby didn’t stop moving all day long and I was loving life. I finally had proof that he/she is doing well in there and I couldn’t have been happier. Then I had my wisdom tooth out on Tuesday afternoon and I still felt some movement that night but since then I have barely felt anything (a little flutter here or a twinge there) and once again the worrying has commenced even though I have read and been told by several people that this will occur- that I will feel the baby a lot one day and then not at all for a couple of days. I have come to the realization that I am going to worry until the day I die because I will always be a mother – I will always have a child that could get hurt, or a teenager that will do something stupid, or an adult with a broken heart or the inability to realize their dreams. So I consider the worrying a curse and a blessing- a curse because I am sure my heart will give out early because of all the panic over stupid things and a blessing because I have someone I love enough to worry over constantly. It is a blessing because I am someone’s mother, that having a baby is the best thing I have ever done with my life and has made me so happy (I haven’t even meet the little one yet). So, I will take the constant worrying because all the positives outweighs this one negative and my goal is to worry only about today and not about tomorrow, or any other future date.